I often wonder about the people in my past. What are they doing? How has life treated them, etc. I am one of those people who likes to keep up with people, I hold them in my heart, I wonder about them, I wish the best for them etc. I have been lucky in the fact I have been able to keep up with those I hold dear as I have not moved often and I am relentless in finding out about the ones I care about, to the point, I could work for the Governement…If I want to, I can find you! I have been blessed with so many dear friends in my life. I cherish them, I pray for them, I hope for them and dream big dreams for them. I try to really stay in contact, know what is going on with them. It is important to my being to know everyone is ok and doing well.
I had a friend who was like a sister to me. We lived just a stones throw from one another growing up and spent day in and day out at one another’s homes. Over the years we were always in touch, always knew this and that about one another even though our lives had taken on very different paths. She had kids who I grew to love and felt a closeness to them I can not explain. She moved to my town and I grew ever so close to her children. I felt like they had been in my life all along, even though this is the first time to live near one another in their lives. They were in my life daily. We celebrated birthdays together in my backyard, we went to see movies together, etc. I loved them unconditionally, I felt like they were a part of my family. I saw them through good times and I watched as they trenched through some really rough times.
As time went on, things were not well in their home. I tended to the children along with some great help from my parents and my best friend. We took care of them, loved them, fed them. and….at the same time began to learn that things at home were not as they should be. When you are handed this information, and it is someone you love, you tend to make excuses and try to smooth over the situation. I do believe it is human nature to try to protect what you love. But it came to a crossroads where I began to question her ability as a parent. It started out questioning the little things and as I questioned the little things I began to uncover big ugly scary things. Things kids should not have to deal with. This is when things got tricky…
I tried to gently ease a conversation about my concerns and I was met with a venom that had fury, fire and hate all wound in it. I was shocked, not afraid, but shocked. I was met with what I felt was a disdain I could not shake nor could I bundle myself up and battle through. There was History and some of the History was not good. Some of the History was such I didn’t want to dabble in as it was old, it hurt, it was dark and it was over. Let it lay is how I felt. But deep in my heart, I knew this was not going to lay, this was a roaring fire that was not going to burn out. It finally came to the point I felt like the children were not being taken care of to my standards and by this point sad to say I had really lowered the standard of what I felt was right as I loved their mom so dearly and caught myself again making excuses for the poor care these precious children were receiving. I found myself picking up the slack, trying to make things right. I’m here to tell you when things aren’t right with a mother, things can’t be fixed by a friend. As a friend, no matter the love you have, no matter the faith you bear, you can’t make up for mom.
I knew their dad, we had been friends, but under no uncertain terms was I ever to contact him regarding his children. I had been rattled off a story that was so surreal yet it was so convincing and I felt my loyalty to my dear friend. But, I just didn’t feel comfortable. If I were to contact their father and he were to reject what I said that was his choice, but I would know in my heart I had done the right thing. I talked to my nephew who was a Police Officer here in my city where we all lived and he stressed to me that talking to their father would be so much better than “any authorities” getting involved. I told him briefly of the past, and some of my heart-felt concerns and he put the decision in my hands and left it to be my choice. I will forever be grateful to him, he really put himself out there as he was trusting in me to do the right thing, as his job was to report and take care of such a situation, he gave me the chance to make it better for the kids. He holds a dear place in my heart today. With the information he had he could have taken action at that moment and things would have turned out so different for these children. I am very thankful that he trusted me and knew in his heart of hearts I would do the right thing.
I don’t know exactly how it happened., I don’t remember the exact day, and I don’t remember what I said, but I called their father. I told him something had to be done and it was, immediately! He was worried about his kids he had no idea what was going on etc., but he knew it wasn’t good. I had no idea these children had a “mother” and father who wanted them, who longed for them and who believed and hung on to my every word. After that call I felt a peace I had not felt for months.
This meant the children would be moving far away from me and my contact with them would forever be changed, but I knew the love in my heart would never change. It had with stood a battle that had been going on since the day the children arrived here with their mother, I just was not on the front lines yet.
I am still friends with their mom. I love their step mother dearly and I am friends with their dad. The only thing that really changed was the kids have a much better life. This is when I learned the old saying, “don’t always follow your heart…use your head,” really has true meaning…
The kids are now in their teens and doing great. I try not to think back to what could have been, but every now and then I catch myself….and I don’t smile….but then I think of what is and my heart sings♥
TEETERING ON THE EDGE... 