BROTHER

My brother and I were both adopted. We do not have the same blood line coursing through our veins but we are “real” brother and sister. I do not think of us not being “related”, as we grew up together and had a true brother and sister love. We had fun together, we laughed, we fought ( I was much meaner) and we cried.

As we grew up it became apparent how truly different we were. Our judgements, views, behavior etc. greatly varied. We were still close. I always felt very protective of my brother. As if he needed me to keep him from harms way. I remember feeling this as a young girl. I felt as if he was not capable of caring for himself and it was my job to take the steps to make sure he was cared for. Reel him back in when he would slip and lose his footing.

It has become very apparent in our adulthood, he is not able to make good decisions and care for himself the way he should be cared for. Nor is he able to care for others, even those he loves, the way they deserve. He has left many heart-broken over poor choices and mistakes that can not be erased. I think what he once thought to be a “carefree” life style has become a life of reckless abandon. I hear the comment often, “at least you were adopted”. It makes my heart sad as he is my brother. My true brother, who I love from deep in my soul. His destiny may have been slated by another blood line, but his reality is, he is my brother…forever.

Even as a young child he was always searching for something. Something more, something bigger, something better, someone to make him happy, someone he could make happy. As time went on he found some of these things and others were much to far out of his reach because of the reckless lifestyle he embraced and seemed unable to shake. The emptiness became bigger and darker, deeper and wider. He is still a loving kind person who is trapped in a very confused mind. He lives in my heart and I will always feel the need to protect him although we are grown and I am unable to do so. He knows I love him, unconditionally.

With my unconditional love come boundaries I can not cross. My heart is always with him and I will not forsake him nor will I enable him to be the person he should have never become. God holds his hand as that is a job I cannot do.

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