LOST

Holidays, they are here. This is the time of year I want to get in my bed, cover up and reappear after New Years…

I had always dreamed of having Sons and I did, I had my three sons. I dreamed of each having a family. On any occasion I dreamt of a house full of love and chaos.

  • Things did not work out exactly as planned. Really not at all as planed. I am overwhelmed with great sadness. I fight for happiness. I search for joy. I move forward with life trying to block the hurt deep inside. I try to suppress my feelings in hopes of making others comfortable. There will come a rage of emotions pouring from within. I must learn to embrace these moments. It’s hard…

Climbing out of darkness is what I imagine it feels like trying to run through quicksand. Sinking, sinking, sinking.

I’ll be down for a bit, I’ll make my way out of the quicksand. In the mean time please say a prayer for peace. Please hold my heart…it’s simply falling apart.

HUG

Dear Bobby,

We drove to the airport. We talked about everything. You unloaded my suitcase. We hugged goodbye. I turned around to say “I love you”. You waved as you drove away. Jack and I jumped on a plane to go see our Minnesota Family.

We woke up in Minnesota. Life was beautiful. We sat down for lunch. We laughed. Your dad called from Texas. You were gone. My life changed forever. I will miss you forever. I will love you for eternity…

Love,
Mom

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CALM

As the sun sets and the world calms 

Know I will forever hold you in my arms

Your baby face and soft blonde hair

Will always be the memory I share

Today was not what I had planned

With grace and love I hold your hand

Be not afraid you are not alone

The tears I have are more for me

As I know  you are now free

 

 

 

 

AGAIN…

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The holiday season is upon us once again. My heart breaks, I am overwhelmed with sadness. I can feel my emotions choking me. It took everything in me to feel jolly and put up the Christmas tree and decorate for my family. I will get through this, I have to. I owe it to my husband, my kids, my mom, my family and friends. It’s very hard to feel joy when your joy has vanished. I will march through this season with great determination. I will strive to make it the best I can for those I love. Alone, I will cry and wish Bobby was here with me. He was my buddy. I can’t express in words how much I miss him.

I love all of you dearly, You are so special to me. Please pray for me…I need it…

REMINDER

friendss

A friend of mine is coming to visit.  Upon hearing this I was reminded of a very emotional day in my life.  Memories bubbled up like a raging sea.  I found myself trying to fight a feeling I had no idea I would remember  so dark,  so vividly. It felt like a the parting of a sea of good and evil.  I found my place, I found my words.  Now I have a peace.  The peace appeared when I faced my truth regarding that dark day.

Cherish your friends and family.  Hold them close.  When you have the urge to call them, hug them, pray for them…do it.  You have no idea how your presence is needed and what instrument God has asked you to play.

I am blessed.  I will cherish the moment this person took a moment for me.  It literally was life changing.

LEFT

A year ago today I laid you to rest…A year ago today a part of me left…I love you forever…

2003

I pulled an envelope out of a drawer today and it had your Graduation Announcement and Grad Party invitations in it…my heart dropped, my eyes filled with tears and I longed to hold your hand. I miss you…my heart is forever broken. I want you here, next to me.

There is not one minute I am not thinking of you. I miss how you loved me, how we laughed. I want that joy…but it vanished with you…

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WOODY♥

Being around someone who makes your heart sing is priceless…knowing they are in your life for ever is bliss…I love this boy. He makes me laugh out loud, makes my heart fill with pride and brings a passion to my soul. I could hug him forever…He’s my nephew. That special someone who you don’t raise, but you get to enjoy all the benefits of their being. There is a joy in a nephew that bubbles in my soul…I love him much♥

HEAVEN’S

Tomorrow we celebrate 22 years of having the privilege of being Eric’s family…
HEAVEN’S VERY SPECIAL CHILD

A meeting was held quite far from earth.
“It’s time again for another birth,”
Said the Angels to the Lord above,
“This special child will need much love.

His progress may seem very slow
Accomplishments he may not show
And he’ll require extra care
From the folks he meets way down there.

He may not run or laugh or play
His thoughts may seem quite far away
In many ways he won’t adapt,
And he’ll be known as handicapped.

So let’s be careful where he’s sent
We want his life to be content.
Please, Lord, find the parents who
Will do a special job for You.

They will not realize right away
The leading role they’re asked to play
But with this child sent from above
Comes stronger faith and richer love.

And soon they’ll know the privilege given
In caring for this gift from Heaven
Their precious charge, so meek and mild
Is Heaven’s very special child.”

Author Unknown

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