Beside me he did not feel comfort so he sat up for a moment, then he got up and again began to pace. As I listened to him move about I realize, I am his everything. I take total care of him, I am his voice, I am his comfort, I am his joy and I am the one who cares for him in sadness. He knows nothing else and I have to be all of those things for him everyday or he is lost.
It’s not a job, it’s an honor and I cherish every moment with him. He changed me the day he was born, made me a better me. At the same time, I changed the day Bobby died and I am having a hard time finding who the new me is. But, Eric does not understand any of that. He just knows his life is off-balance and he needs me.
I noticed yesterday as I lay in bed, Jack came in and out of my room over and over…his life is off-balance too. He should be in his room feeling totally secure playing games and being a kid. He should not have to feel off-balance because I am off-balance. I just need some help figuring out how to get back on balance. I know, time, but my kids don’t have time, they have now and now is what is important. So with my “magic Mom powers” as my kids have always said, I will fight my way back to who I was…one day at a time.