I just finished reading a blog about a mother whose child lives in the hospital and has for the last two years…her entire life!  I have tears in my eyes, how on earth does she manage to function from day to day…and then for a brief moment, yes I am going to say it…I thought…how lucky she is!  She can leave her child and know she is cared for and still be her mother and go on about living without having to worry how she is going to go here and there and do this and that because she has her child, who can not be out and about going from here to there. I know, I am not getting the mother of the year award, I just admitted something no one I know would admit because it is so terrible, but how lucky this mother is…I thought for a brief moment…and then I thought…

I would have missed him climbing onto my bed for the first time at five years old. Watching him learn to walk in our backyard pool for the first time at eight.  Seeing him drink out of a cup (be it a sippy cup) at four years old.  Watching him try to move Jack out of his life when he was ten. Taking him to his new class at the High School when he was sixteen.  Seeing his face light up EVERY morning when he sees me…and the list goes on and on.

But then, I thought…for the last 21 years I can’t just up and go when I want.  My entire life is planned around Eric, and what Eric needs and bigger, what Eric wants.  What will make Eric happy and calm.  And…I think I have the best deal…because if I want to sit and hold Eric’s hand I can.  When Eric cries out at night, I, his mother am there for him.  There is nothing in the world that is more important than me being Eric’s mother.  I’m thankful Eric is part of my life journey, he made me who I am today…and I like me…and I LOVE Eric, just because he’s mine!


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