I live in a very safe town in the great state of Texas…as I was reading news from BYU Universe this AM I came across their crime report…I am re-posting it below, because it made me laugh, I mean, laugh out loud. This is not crime, this is called LIVING!
Suspicious Activity
May 21: A female transient was found eating red juniper berries on the east side of the Benson Building. She told officers she was looking for a place to live. They advised her not to eat the berries off the bushes.
July 3: Officers responded to a suspicious person at the Bookstore upset about the deodorant selection. The person picked up a stick of deodorant, kicked it across the floor, then paid for the deodorant and left.
June 5:An adult male dressed in black was reported running through the quad and hiding behind dumpsters at Wymount Terrace. The man ran through the quad, dropped to his belly and army-crawled, then got back to his feet and continued running. He ran past a woman and said “Good morning” before jumping in a car and speeding off.
Property Damage
June 4:A moose was loose on campus so police called the Utah Division of Wildlife Resources. Officials came and tranquilized the moose. However, before going down the moose damaged two vehicles in the parking lot across from the SAS Building.
Trespassing
May 31:A phone call came in reporting a male alum and a female student had been kissing in the grass near a Wymount Terrace complex, making the caller and his family feel uncomfortable. The officer arrived and asked them to leave.
Fire
June 25: A car caught on fire near the north entrance of the Tanner Building. Witnesses said the car started to smoke and then they heard the tire pop. The cause of the fire is unknown but the fire department said other Ford Explorers have caught fire in the past. The taillight of the car next to the Explorer was melted.
Theft
June 14:Two bikes were reported stolen on campus. The victims saw the stolen bikes in a photo on Facebook. The person in the photo was arrested because he had “control” of the bikes.
Firearms
June 16: Someone reported seeing a man in the stadium with a rifle. The police responded and found out it was a grounds employee sent to eliminate pigeons with a pellet gun. Officers stopped him. The man was not able to shoot any pigeons.
Drug arrest
June 3:An EFY counselor thought he could smell marijuana in Gates Hall around 11 p.m. He found three EFY participants smoking marijuana in the stairwell. Police said the juveniles will be charged.
Animal Problems
June 20: A stray cat fell into a mechanical well and couldn’t get out. Officers responded and rescued the cat.
July 4: An owl was found in the former president’s home. An officer communicated with the owl and it left.
Civil problem
July 20:A resident at Wymount Terrace called and reported that carpet layers did not clean up after themselves and worked late into the evening on his apartment. Police referred him to Housing Administration because no crime was committed
Criminal mischief
July 22:A report was made of someone driving on the grass at Helaman Halls. A description of the truck was given and an officer was dispatched. The officer stopped the truck and the driver said he did not remember if he drove on the grass. The driver then told the officer he could not lie and that he was guilty of driving on the grass. The driver was given a warning.
Burglary
July 27: Someone thought there was a burglary when they returned to their car and a window was broken out. Nothing appeared to be missing, so officers think the window may have exploded because of the heat.
Disorderly conduct
July 31: Someone was throwing water balloons off the third floor of Budge Hall at 1 a.m. No one was injured but police could not find the person doing it. Later, housing authorities found the person and told them to stop.
Ladies and Gentlemen…yes, it is a true fact….I did walk around yesterday with shit on my arm. Several times I ventured to figure out where the smell of human feces was coming from, only to catch a glimpse in the mirror of my arm, and there it was, bigger than life, human feces on my arm! How many people noticed and said nothing? I guess it would be rather awkward to say, “Excuse me Miss, but either you have a terrible skin cancer on your arm…or it is poop”…and as you guessed, no one said a thing. I guess everyone I came into contact with thought, “oh the lady in the ever so stylish dress has a human feces smell about her”! Did they think it was my perfume? Holy hell, only me! So, from now on, if I see someone with shit on them, I’m telling them, because believe you me…THEY WANT TO KNOW!
I am pondering getting myself a black rose tattoo…any thoughts?
As I was pondering the whole Michael Jackson death and memorial…I have a few thoughts I must share regarding this strange but very talented man. He was a very cute child, the reason why he would distort his face over the years was his way of masking the pain he felt deep within. He really needed a friend to tell him, “Enough, your face is caving in“! But when you have money and you are paying every ones way, no one is going to give up the truth, they’d rather you look like a train wreck then be honest. Maybe he would have appreciated someone being honest with him for once in his life.
TEETERING ON THE EDGE... 