HOLLOW

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Halloween has always been one of Bobby’s favorite holidays. This year it is not the same. He is not here to have his big party with all of his friends. It’s just not going to be the same…It is going to be on Monday, the day we laid him to rest. It just doesn’t seem real nor right. I miss Bobber♥♥ So to all of you, have a fun-filled Halloween, that’s what Bobby would want…I’m glad I have the memories…

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TWINKLE

Magic...
When I believed in magic…life was simply…grand. I believed I could make anything happen for those I love. I would forever be able to put a smile on their face and a joy in their heart. The dance of magic is a fantastic fantasy. You hold it tight and nourish it, strengthen it and wrap it around your heart. It is held there warm and with so much love…it is simply…pure magic. You can see magic, it’s the twinkle in your eye.

And…with the touch of a hand, it’s gone. Ripped from your being, stolen from your soul. Taken, kidnapped and vanished from you in the blink of an eye. No more magic. It is just black. I have found nothing to replace the magic, because in all reality, there is nothing to replace magic. It’s a trick. A trick on the mind as well as the heart. Once the trick has been reveled…there is simply…no more magic…

I want to feel magic. I want life to be magical. I want the twinkle in my eye. I can only hope it is not gone forever…forever is a really long time for life not to be magical…

BOBBER

I want to laugh…but I cry. I want joy…it went with you. My heart is missing a piece so big it can never be filled. My eyes have tears that will not dry. I can not breathe, I need you near. I never imagined I would lose you so young. You were such joy, I love you much. I don’t know how my life will go on, I know it will as I have not a choice, but I have no idea how to move past the heartache I feel. You were my child. My first-born. You were the first person I knew who had my DNA, my blood flowed through your veins. That is forever going to be missing from my heart. When I think of you I want to breath for you. I want you to know I would give the world to have you back. The last time we locked eyes on August 9th, I knew you loved me. You were my Bobber and I just want you back…

BUTTON

I have a love hate relationship with my sons G-button. I love the fact it keeps him healthy and makes his life so much better. I hate the fact it malfunctions and makes him hurt and we have to go to the ER! His last two buttons have hated me and insisted on making me work harder than necessary. I think they came from someone in my past who really doesn’t like me! I am grateful for medical science…I just wish I could catch up…

I don’t know that I was cut out to take such meticulous care of another human being. I feel at the moment I am faltering in many ways. I worship this button, I take care of it as if it were the crown jewel. I will not allow there to be any skin granulations, it must be a perfect fit, there will be no leaks. It IS the crown jewel of the Fuentez Home. Everyone in our household is very aware how sacred the said button is! But in the end the button always wins. I curse the button, I’m sure at least once a day. I also praise the button numerous times a day. I just can’t win, the button always wins! It leaks, it moves, it shoots me the finger, I swear I’ve seen it! I have been defeated today by a G-button…I surrender…

BROKEN

I never in a million years could have dreamed how my life has turned out. It’s nothing as I expected, but has brought me much joy as well as heartache and lessons along the way. One of the hardest lessons I am learning is how tough it is to have a Grandchild from a broken home. It is so hard when he says he is going to miss us because it is going to be a long time before he sees us again. He’s four, he should know nothing but happiness, but he already knows the trials of pain. It breaks my heart.

The lesson in this being…sometimes it hurts to be a Ginga…

NICE

Have you ever known someone who on the outside looked perfectly normal, but on the inside they are completely black and ugly and horrible? Well, until recently, I must say I had never known such a person. People I know are kind, gentle, loving, caring and NICE! Or, you can just tell you need to stay clear! Then I stumble upon a person who has normal healthy children, a comfortable life style and by golly if it’s not Satan dressed up as Betty Crocker!

VACATION

Dear Mr. Vacation Planner,

From now on I will be vacationing with Myself or with Leslie.  Thanks in advance for making this possible.

Love,

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