Dear God,
I can’t do this. I know they say you do not give a person more than they can handle, well you have dropped the ball on this one. I can not handle the stress anymore. Taking care of sick kids and parents is slowly beating me down and I feel myself on the verge of snapping right in two. I feel so stretched, I have not time to even spend a few minutes with myself to re-charge. My head is spinning at such a rate I can’t even reach to stop it. I feel my heart is going to explode with the grief I feel about this situation. I know this is my “job”, but I think it may be time for me to be fired, layed off or whatever you do in these situations. I want to be taken from this situation, run from this situation, close my eyes and when they re-open, there be nothing but white light.
I am one second away from totally snapping out of control and then I fear there will be no reeling me back in to be the wife, mother, daughter and friend I am supposed to be. I need a vacation, but I fear I am not able to even plan a vacation…if I have to plan one thing, I will simply fall apart. The mere thought of having to think makes the tears in my eyes sting and cry with pain. I am reeling in a dark black hole trying to figure out how to function on a daily basis, let alone plan something, do something or go somewhere. So please God, set me free. This current plan is not working, I am dying slowly…I am not the same person I used to be. I do not like or want to be around the person I have become. I need to feel the breeze and be set free. I am broken and I do not see me ever being fixed.
Put me on a cloud and take me…I’m ready more than ready!
Like paint peeling, my life is peeling away layer by layer. I don’t understand everything going on nor do I wish to. I just pray that as the layers come off, it becomes a smooth surface to be repainted again with a beautiful new coat of bright blue paint. I may not live from day to day as I should and I may not make every moment of every day count…there is just not energy for such anymore. I do live my life with passion coming from the inside out, burning like a single candle in a room full of darkness. Nothing will ever come my way to break the spell life has cast upon me. As I toss myself into the sea of a new beginning, I hope to not sink to deep, but to simply float above the surface. Life, it never just passes you by, it always takes you with it.
TEETERING ON THE EDGE... 